About
At Times It Still…
…feels like yesterday. But it’s been a little over three years that I left a note for my parents, and hit the road with the cute guy and his band. They had no label, no gigs lined up, and barely any money, but I didn’t care. I was ready to chase freedom, adventure, and love.
In the beginning it was exciting; chaotic but exciting. They played dive bars, lived off junk food and late night diners, and stayed in cheap motels. Sometimes though we found ourselves crashing on strangers couches; mainly “fans” who’d seen the band play the night before. I told myself it was all part of the dream. I was living the kind of life songs are written about.
Right?
But over time, cracks started to show. Zach wasn’t the dedicated artist I thought he was. He was more interested in partying than practicing, more focused on getting wasted than getting ahead, likes on IG took the place of making music anyone wanted to hear.
Then came the lies and the cheating. At first, it was little things—a message here, a flirty conversation there. But soon, it became clear that Zach wasn’t just in love with music, he was in love with anything that gave him a rush.
As you could predict, the gigs started drying up, and then so did our money. But he didn’t seem to notice or care. While I was working odd jobs just to keep us afloat, he started spending less and less time trying to turn his/our dreams into reality.
I tried to ignore it, hoping things would change. But they didn’t. Each betrayal chipped away at the idealized version of him I’d built up in my head. And with every lie, I lost a little more of myself.
Well, I’ve had enough. I’m tired of living someone else’s dream, of putting someone else’s ambitions (or lack thereof) ahead of my own. Some days I have no idea who I am anymore, but I’m ready to find out. I left him a note, just like I left one for my parents three years ago. This time, though, I wasn’t chasing someone else’s dream. I was chasing my own future.
I don’t know exactly where I’m going, but for the first time in years, I feel free. I’m going to find my own way, build a life that’s mine. Maybe I’ll go back to school, or maybe I’ll do something completely different. All I know is that I won’t waste any more time waiting around for someone to figure out who they want to be. I’m done living in someone else’s shadow—this time, it’s my turn to take the stage.
